Reflections on a big year, and why I’m not a pessimist

“It is love alone that leads to right action. What brings order in the world is to love & let love do what it will.” Jiddu Krishnamurti

So 2020, what to say? How to reflect on the year that held the mirror of truth up to humanity, and managed to slow most of us down enough to make us really have to take a look?

For many it’s just too difficult to see ourselves under the microscope in this way. It takes a lot to understand the self as an active part of the whole world in its perfect balance. To understand how we - all of us - in our ignorance, have been creating our present situation for a very long time. Taking responsibility within this seeming chaos might still just be too hard for some…it might take time. Or, it might actually never happen, and that's ok too.

You might know people still looking for a fix, or a cure, believing that things will go back to normal once….You might know people who would prefer to cling to the fading illusion of certainty until there’s absolutely nothing left rather than choose to sit in the discomfort of change, grief and loss.

I’m sure that many would find my reflections pessimistic. Actually, I believe it’s quite the contrary. It’s not that I am only choosing to see what is bad or wrong in the world, it’s more that I don’t actually separate those things from the whole experience. Truth only exists in the whole. In separating & labelling the experiences we miss the whole truth. In a spectacular embodied paradox, my heart is overflowing with love in every moment, and, at the same time I’m making a practice of welcoming all that is here to be seen.

I trust deeply in the law of nature, and don’t hold myself, or anyone else, above it. Resting into the truth of our time, means getting comfortable with a whole lot of uncertainty & mystery, and trusting that at a very deep level balance is being restored, which doesn’t necessarily mean that all will be ok in the end. And, accepting that at a surface level, it might not be pleasant to experience this restoration of balance.

Anything other than that, for me anyway, is ultimately a diversion from the liberation that is only possible within the truth.

My practice hasn’t changed all that much this year, it’s still based in a deep surrender to uncertainty & the unknown within the microcosm of my own life…and, the deeper inside I can go with that, the more easeful it is to surrender to the uncertainty & unknown that is the external world - the macrocosm.

Making a practice of becoming comfortable with uncertainty is really just a practice of finding your own centre, in the changing of the days, the minutes & seconds, in the constant external changes. The practice is to ground into what is true in the moment, and never bypass the discomfort of it. It's a practice of non-attachment (vairagya) and, this is important, never detachment.

And, interestingly, the deeper I can surrender in this internal/micro practice, the more I feel guided to keep adding my energy to (what feels like) optimism or positivity. To keep giving more, to stand up to injustice, to get louder, to align only & always with love, even when it doesn’t logically make sense, and, to plant seeds of goodness, without knowing that there might be future generations to know their fruits.

So, I don’t believe myself to be a pessimist at all. Perhaps from a head level it might seem that way…but from a heart level, I’m experiencing quite the opposite.

From the head level, it’s so easy to see how we are all separate & alone, to focus on the things that seem unsafe, unjust or unfair, and to react in fear & anger. Aligning from the heart level, however, there isn’t actually a choice to do anything other than ground into that which joins us all - the unifying force - and, it is always love. Anything outside of love is the cause of separation & therefore suffering.

So the question is not about how to solve the problems of 2020, but rather how to align ever more deeply with the heart as we move forward, planting seeds of compassion, faith, kindness and generosity in each & every moment, even (and especially) when it doesn’t make sense.

Can we rest so deeply in what unifies us that the force of love penetrates to even those most separate - those who we might deem our enemies? Can we keep showing up anchored in our hearts with kindness, and make our active offerings in the world aligned with purpose, justice, healing & courage?

 My practice, from this moment, is to focus on the unifying force that exists between us all - to find the ways in which we are the same, and to let love do what it will.